Happy birthday to me! Today is my 29th birthday and I thought it would be a good time for me to share a bit off myself with you. The topic is about body image, and I’ve been struggling with this lately.
I was quite skinny with a high metabolism during high school – ten years ago. So it was a big adjustment to suddenly be putting on weight. and for a few years, I had a steady weight gain. I weighed more than what I wanted to weigh. As a result of this, I have been struggling to find clothes that fit me well. Some of the reasons might be that for a long time I somehow thought I was smaller than what I actually was and still bought clothes according to my old size. As you can imagine, it didn’t look good.
It was a game-changer to start sewing five years ago. To be able to sew clothes that actually fit me is a pretty good feeling. I have been learning about my body, where I differ from ready-to-wear (RTW) and how I can make these adjustments. I still have a long way to go to improve my skills and identify the problems to be corrected, but I’m getting there hopefully.
Sewing has been so good for me, but the past year the feeling of not being content with myself has flared up again. I’ve been the same weight for this time period so I don’t know what changed. I know that I need to exercise more and to eat less. But I don’t particularly like to exercise so I try to incorporate more movement into my daily routine, an example is to walk to work (4,6 km) instead of taking the bus both to and from work. It does happen that I, at times, do want to exercise, then I do it, but most of the time, meh. The eating part is another chapter. I’m not good at restricting myself when it comes to food. I don’t really see the reason to deny myself good food. I’m not talking about unhealthy junk food (but sometimes it’s that too), but homemade food.
As I mentioned I’ve been living under a dark cloud the past year. Always have an underlying thought about how this and that body part should not jiggle that much and how it should be more toned. At my darkest point, I went to the bathroom at work and cried about it by myself, and went back as nothing happened. Somedays I hear my husband telling me that I’m beautiful and feel it too, other days it feels like he’s lying to my face. Then I had a turning point.
I broke my ankle in mid-February and had to wear a cast for six weeks. Lying in bed, in pain, not being able to move as I used to was an eye-opener. How could I complain?! I’m, for all intent and purpose, normal. I had a body that heals itself, I can stand, walk and talk. My body is FREAKING AMAZING. It’s just that I have to remind my head about it sometimes.
Not only that, but sewing saved me this time around too. I was bold enough to go to the dressmaker’s ball not knowing anyone, in an unknown place, speaking a language which isn’t my first or second. But this experience was the self-confidence boost that I needed. Seeing all the gorgeous people in all shapes, sizes and ages really blew my mind. And everyone was so kind and happy! I was rather calm at the ball, but my mind was spinning from actually meeting the people I’ve been following and admiring for years and talking to them, and they know me! *Ugly-cry-with-happy-tears* It’s odd to think that you know someone from social media without actually meeting them. I couldn’t be happier about this, and next year I’ll be there dancing my feet off!
So here is to becoming a better me at the age of 29, less negative talk about my body (she’s incredible), and being happy and content with myself, easier said than done, but I’m going to try my absolute best.
Oh, and I made these two incredible bodysuits for Minerva Crafts Blogger Network this month. Go check it out!
- Name: Mittens and Rhino (from Bolt)
- Pattern: Rowan bodysuit from Megan Nielsen Patterns
- Size: Size M and graded out to a size L for my butt
- Fabric: Polka dot ponte roma fabric and crepe jersey fabric from Minerva Crafts.